FAQ
By FAQ we do not mean Free Audit Quotations, this is the Frequently Asked Questions page where confusion becomes collusion.
NB. Just because someone has a walky-talky and a lanyard doesn’t mean they know everything.
Q. I don’t understand what a Prismatic Audit is, are you guys for real, and those are really uncool bumbags?
A. A prismatic audit is like having your stars read by a dentist – come on, you know you need it, and they aren’t bumbags they’re utility belts.
Q. I am colour-blind. Will this exclude me from taking part in the audit?
A. No, but things could get interesting.
Q. I was once audited by the tax department and ever since I get a sick feeling when someone says “audit”, I want to get involved but I’m scared.
A. We understand and sympathise. Think of us as the sensitive boyfriend that unexpectedly appeared in your life after you had decided that all men were bastards and you would never date again. We won’t let you down.
Q. The colour wheel lanyard looks strangely familiar…?
A. No, we are not interior design consultants, Trivial Pursuit salesmen, Mac IT specialists or gay rights activists.
Q. What do you do with the data at the end of the audit? Can I get a copy?
A. We stack it into cardboard boxes and store it until we all forget. Unless of course you feel your individual data strip says something honest and true about you as a person and you’d prefer to keep it as a memento of your first pleasant auditing experience.
Q. I really want to take part in the audit but my boss is a joyless arsehole. How can I express my self chromatically without losing my job?
A. For this very reason we have included a safety pin in the audit kit. If you can’t erect your prismatic signalling device (flagpole) try pinning the flags to your lapel. If your boss asks suspicious questions tell him you are supporting an obscure health or child related charity.
Q. Maths is not my strong point, will I understand the briefings.
A. Data shmata. When Whitney Houston sang “You can count on me” she spoke to the mathematician deep inside all of us.
Q. I have difficulty handling small objects, will this be a problem?
A. This depends on what you attempt to handle, if the problem persists we recommend using latex gloves, it helps for adhesion.
Q. What have you got against Laura Ashley?
A. We’d prefer not to talk about it, all we can say is childhood, bedroom, Fuscia.